It’s a looong Movember and there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be hairier than the last. I can’t remember the last time I grew a mustache, it must have been 2011, oh wait it was never, I have never grown anything resembling a facial hair style out side of pooh stash. When I don’t shave for days, weeks on end it just looks like a “Got Shit?” advertisement and not like this…

Movember always makes me feel small. I’m a giver and I bet there are a lot of Americans that are forced to skip this month because we’re a weird Native American/Asian/Universal Alopecian fusion simians. I’m a hipster, I’m a yuppie, I am a yupster hell I know for a fact that I’m a man; been one for a few days now, but what I am not and hope one day to be is an active participant of Movember.

I hope one day to have facial hair or have a child who can grow facial hair like below; specifically a child that is a boy who can grow said facial hair. That being said I am going to have to stay away from dating: Armenians, some Turks, anyone who grew up near a nuclear reactor, Italians and any O’Poyle women so my future daughters have a fighting chance.

Movember Facial Hair Style Chart

In all seriousness I had a testicular cancer scare (I was lucky) in college and as embarrassing as it sounds I only knew to check because of a Tom Green special done on MTv back in 2000. So to those of you symbolically taking part in something that effects most commonly men from the ages of 16-35  keep on with the good fight. For those of us who cannot due to some genetic circumstance or work related reason you should check out this Movember Site. It contains valuable ideas and opportunities to donate.


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