The End Of Times 2013


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Fact I can only wear tall slim cut clothing.

Fact I like slim cut pants and skinny jeans.

Fact being a Millennial is toooooooooooough as heeeeeeeeeell!

This is a short essay about the realization of change. Not just an introspective understanding of the change one has personally gone through but the change in societal norms we have to subscribe to in order to proceed forward in life.

Living in New York City is difficult but no more difficult than being a 26-year-old pilot or newly married or being a bachelor in Peoria, Illinois.

We are all living the path less traveled upon. By virtue of coming of age during these times our incoherent, sloppy thrust out of the embrace of infantilism and into adulthood will be noted by all those who will come after us and our predecessors as well. Needless to say our entrance into adulthood has not been the classiest but we have done our best with what we have been given.  We are after all that last true generation of the classic American collegiates.

With Harvard, Cornell, Penn, Stanford, MIT and Notre Dame all taking steps into a 21st century by branching out of the traditional classroom and building their commercial infrastructure into the digital and social world we will see the last of Sororities, Fraternities, Secret Societies, midnight showings of  “Animal House” and for that our lifestyle of youthful exuberance will one day be seen by our successors as an intolerable waste of time and energy. Or at most we will see its prevalence in Americana diminish even further. How many college movies have you seen released lately? Even the “American Pie” kids are married. So dull!

These are our end of times. It’s no longer cool to sing Semi Sonic’s “Closing Time” while out as we fear that we may stand out among the throngs of underage college students that drink at the pubs, taverns and lounges we frequent; though I sometimes wonder if it ever was. Yes even at Karaoke. Although I will not give up my right to sing the song in the shower.

Here is a list of a few things I have recognized in the past 12 months:

  • One thing that I learned from 2012 is that it is very retro to make reference to certs in a conversation. So don’t offer them to a friend or a woman as they may mistake it as a roofie.
  • 28 to a 20-year-old is “Old”
  • 90′s parties are exactly like 80′s parties because every girl wants to dress like Kelly Kapowski who apparently dresses like every go-go dancer we met at the 80′s themed college parties we frequented in the century’s first decade.
  • Given the damn awesome times we had growing up in the 90′s it may be fine to assert sparingly that one actually feels “Totally 90′s” into a conversation.

Millennial women have tried too hard to be the Carrie Bradshaw’s of their generation that:

  • Men have grown tired of the routine and have all but stopped buying drinks for them at bars; which is probably safer for women.

Not that I am an expert at “Sex and the City” but for all those free drinks they got I am pretty sure the ladies did not get dosed and if they did the ratio of clean drinks to dosed drinks were highly disproportionate. Who wants to hear about Carrie Bradshaw’s drugged out blurry night chasing Mr. Big in the Meat-Packing district anyway. Hell even I have been roofied a few times over the years. No one is safe! No matter how much has changed for us late twenty-somethings and early thirty-somethings we will always have the memories…blurry as some of those may be. But lets embrace the change while celebrating the past. With all the amazing changes that have transpired and been invented the things that are coming up will surely be awe-inspiring. Here’s to the future!

Follow Me On Twitter @CA_LeBron

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